Dead End?
by DCisforlovers
Summary: Here's chapters 6 & 7. Hope you enjoy. Let me know.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Timeline: In season 10 Jag: San Diego

Pre-story: This happens as a result of a conversation amongst the women about the type of men they are interested in.

Author Note: This is based on one of my favorite scenes from JAG. I hope you like it! Oh, some of the details about Tali Mayfield may be incorrect. I am not too familiar with her.

DEAD END?

"Or a Navy suit with Commander stripes…… Or a Navy suit with Commander stripes…… Or a Navy suit with Commander stripes……" 

Those words kept replaying in her head as she tried her best to go to sleep. Why did that one, simple statement have such a huge effect on her? She had always known that he was the perfect guy for her—the third kind of guy, with his confidence, his ability to stand up to her, his ocean blue eyes, that sinfully entrancing smile—but all of his perfection could not make up for his impracticality. Why couldn't she just treat him like every other man and move on from this dead end street. Although she knew damn well what the answer was, Mac did her best not to think about that. She was in San Diego—with its warm climate, beautiful people, and gorgeous views—but all she wanted was to be back in Washington freezing her ass off with him. WHY! 

Mac tossed and turned in bed, until she couldn't take it anymore. She picked up the phone and dialed the number.

A sleepy voice answered the phone, "Hello?"

"Lt. Mayfield? I'm sorry for waking you, but…." 

"Col. Mackenzie? Oh, mam…." Tali snapped as she realized who she was talking to.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you. It will only take a minute."

Eager to please Tali responded, "Yes, mam. Just give me a few minutes to get my uniform on, mam."

"No Tali, just throw something on. This is about a personal matter, not business."

"Oh, ok. Room 716, right?"

"That's right."

Even though asking these questions would require a lot of soul searching afterwards, Mac had to know why Tali said what she did. A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts.

"Mam, is everything okay?"

"Well, define okay. And, this is not about the military, call me Mac."

"Alright."

"And, I'm so sorry that I got you up in the middle of the night. I couldn't sleep after what you said."

"If I said anything out of line Col. I am truly sorry…" 

Mac interrupted her, "No, no, no. Actually, you might have been helpful in a weird kind of way. I am referring to what you said while we were talking in the ladies' room. You know, about me liking the guy with the Commander stripes?"

"I didn't mean anything by it. I just noticed the chemistry between you two, or better yet the tension."

"Well, that's why I got you out of bed. You—like everyone else around us—obviously see something that we don't." She paused thinking to herself, 'or maybe just ignore.' She continued on with a bit of hesitancy in her voice, "I want to understand what everyone else sees. So, I can move on or….Anyway."

"Mac, I have only been at JAG for a short while, but the _thing _between you two is undeniable. Honestly, I've got to hand it to you; I would have given into his charms a very long time ago if I were you."

"Sometimes, I wish that it were that easy."

"Well, maybe it is. Maybe, the two of you complicate really simple things."

Mac's mind was flooded with memories of that fateful night she told Harm those exact words. She was quiet for a moment, lost in thought. Why was it so complicated? 

"Tali, I wish I knew the answer. But, I don't."

"Very few people ever know the answer, but faith carries them. You sometimes have to take a chance and step out on pure faith."

Cynically Mac replied, "Like the blind leading the blind?"

"I guess, if that's the way you want to look at it. No one ever got the fairy tale ending by playing it safe."

"I'm not so sure that 'fairy tale ending' is a choice in my life."

"Mac, can I be blunt?"

"Sure."

"I have never seen you like this. You are always so strong and sure of yourself."

"Well, I am sorry to disappoint you, Tali."

"Oh no, not at all. It is actually admirable that a strong, independent woman such as yourself can be so vulnerable when it comes to the man she loves."

That statement caught Mac's ear. She wished that he could see that. 

Walking Tali to the door Mac said, "Thanks Tali."

"Anytime, Col."

"By the way, how did you become so insightful?"

"Well my dad is a preacher, my mom is a marriage counselor, and Commander Rabb helped a little."

"What?"

"Well you are not the only one who sought out my advice."

With that statement, Tali continued down the hall to her room. Mac's head began to spin even more than it had before. What had he said to Tali?


	2. Chapter 2

Dead End?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author Note: Remember, Mac and some other members of JAG are in San Diego for a conference. They have meetings, but most their time was spent hanging out with each other at social gatherings put on by the conference. So, they all had a lot of time to talk and be 'normal people.' Within the story, I work a lot with Harm's thoughts, so if you see anything that is contained in apostrophes it is his thoughts. Hope you like it. And, thanks for all of the wonderful reviews.

Pre-Story: This takes place the day the group leaves for the JAG conference in San Diego. Harm needs an outlet for all of the emotions he has been storing up right lately, and he finds it in an unlikely place. 

…………………………………………………………..

Harm sat at his desk and found himself lost in a daze full of memories. For an unexplained reason, he—although he would never admit it—was being overly sentimental right lately. He was plagued with dreams, as well as nightmares, that involved a certain beautiful Marine, so sleep was not coming easily to him. Also, he would drift off into daydreams at the drop of a hat. Which is what he was doing during his lunch break today: Sitting at his desk, pondering his life's mysteries, and thinking about the 'unattainable' Sarah Mackenzie. 

He thought as he admired her from across the office, 'Why is it so difficult between us? She is a woman, and I am a man. It is a simple equation, but all of the variables seem to get in the way. I can't even begin to try to figure out what she wants. Hell, I don't even know what I want most of the time, but I know this: Life without her is not an option.' His thoughts, as well as his breathing, stopped as he saw her crossing the bullpen. She was the only woman alive that could make a uniform look that sexy and boy did she look sexy. Her long, alluring legs beneath that marine green skirt, the gentle tossing of her hair, the play of amusement in her brown eyes; it was all enough to make him go crazy. She made her way to his door and just stared at him for a second before speaking. 

"Earth to Harm. Are you going to grab something to eat or just sit here day dreaming?"

If only she could read his thoughts.

"Well, I was…um…working on my closing arguments, so I was just going to pass up lunch today."

"Well, what about tonight?"

"I can't. I've got to finish this up, and if you came over I would never get it done."

With a hint of disappointment on her face, "Oh, ok. Well, I won't hold you up any longer."

"What about a rain check for……"but she had already began the trek back to her office.

'Damn! Why can't I ever say the right thing to her? I am normally so suave and debonair with women, but she throws me for a loop by just walking into my sight. We couldn't possibly make it work because I 

would be tongue-tied the entire relationship. Which is not much different than the way I am with her now. And, I forgot that she was leaving for that conference. Now, I won't get to spend anytime with her for at least a few days. Way to go Rabb! Uhhhh….all of this is so confusing. There should be a handbook: How to Woo Sarah Mackenzie.' With a laugh at the thought of such a handbook, he continued on with his closing argument. Right at time to close the office doors, he started to put away his things. He had gotten a lot done, no thanks to his stunning distraction across the bullpen. He was making his way out when something caught his eye: Mac was putting all of her things into her car and fiddling with something in the trunk. It was a task with no special allure to the naked eye, but he was utterly entranced. He stood there leaned against the column and admired what only God could have created. To him, she was perfect. 

"She is a beauty, isn't she?" An unexpected voice said as she came up beside him.

In a very distant tone, "The most beautiful I have ever seen."

"I hope to have one just like it someday."

Still in somewhat of a daze, "Yea, me too." But that caught his attention. "What are….." He looked over to see Lt. Mayfield standing beside him. As she realized that they were talking about two very different subjects, she tried her best to hide the giggle that was threatening to escape. 

"I was talking about Col. Mackenzie's corvette. What were you….."

Harm interrupted her as his cheeks were beginning to blush, "Oh, yea. It's a nice car."

As Mac got in her car—oblivious to her audience—Harm started walking away from his embarrassment and towards his SUV.

"Cmdr. Rabb, I didn't mean to upset you," she said running after him.

As he reached his car he replied, "No, Tali. You didn't upset me. Why would you think that?"

"Well, it's just that…" she stopped herself realizing it was inappropriate.

"Go ahead." He know exactly where she was going, but this time he didn't avoid it like he did with everyone else—something he would never quite understand.

"Well…um….sir, why don't you just tell her."

"The car?"

"You know who I mean."

"And, what, pray tell, am I suppose to tell this mystery woman?"

"Maybe, how you feel about her."

"Tali, you seem like a nice girl, but how exactly do you know what I _feel,_" he said with a sarcastic emphasis on the word 'feel.' 

"I'm sorry Cmdr. I didn't mean to stick my nose where it doesn't belong. Please just forget I ever said anything."

"No way." Feeling guilty for snapping he tried to redeem himself at the expense of his pride and eventually his unvoiced desires, "You seem to have a pretty good grasp on the world which is something that I lack, especially when it comes to a certain someone. If you know something that I don't, as long as this conversation goes no further than the two of us, I would like to hear it." He was very intrigued by what this young officer had noticed about the notorious duo. Maybe, Tali could help him.

He continued as the child-like nervousness began to wash off of her face, "But, we can't talk here. There are too many ears for a private matter like this. Could I buy you dinner?"

"Well, okay."

He told her to meet him a McMurphy's Tavern—one of his favorite places. By the time she managed to make it there—no thanks to his terrible directions—he had ordered himself a drink.

She walked up to him in amusement, "Are you expecting this to be painful?"

"Yea, I'm trying to go ahead and take some of the sting off," he said joining in on her laughter.

They ate and talked about work. Eventually when he couldn't hold off his curiosity any longer, he started in. 

"Okay, Little Miss Intuition about Love and All things Involved, how is it that you know so much about two people that you just met a few weeks ago?"

"Both of my parents are in the business of relationships, so the trade just rubbed off on me. There is a lot of power in observation. It is all in how much you keep your mouth shut and listen..um…sir."

"Enough with the sirs. What makes you think that I love her?"

"Well, I never said that you love _her_. So, your words are a good indicator," she said smiling. "And by the way you look at her."

"And how is that?"

"Like you couldn't breathe if she left the room, like she is the perfect in every way, like she……"

Harm interrupted her, "You have read too many fairy-tales."

"Or maybe you haven't read enough."

"Touche."

"Can you tell me that you don't feel that way about Col. Mackenzie?"

"I thought I was the one asking the questions, counselor." 

"Well, you just answered it."

He flashed a smile at her as the bartender walked over to get them a refill. Tali turned her attention to the woman as she greeted Harm as old friends would.

"Excuse me, can I ask you a question?"

The courteous young woman wore a smile and replied, "Sure."

"Do you know the Cmdr. very well?"

She nodded.

"Well, have you ever heard him talk about a woman?"

As of now, Harm began to once again turn a bright pink. 

In her thick Irish accent, "Oh, you mean Mac? Well, that's all the poor fellow talks about. Mac this, and Mac that. Why, if I'm not mistaken, I should think she is the love of his life."

"Thank you," reading her name tag, "Vivi." 

Harm buried his head in his hands, admitting defeat.

"Cmdr, you really should tell her."

He just gave her a look that would give any sad puppy a run for its money. She picked up her purse, and patted him on the shoulder.

"Harm, courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear…"

"Ambrose Redmoon."

"Yes, sir. It is humorous to me how you are a daredevil in the skies, a legal whiz that fires guns off in courtrooms, and the very essence of a noble, courageous soldier, but one woman can make you melt."

"Thanks, Tali," annoyed at her insightfulness.

"Your welcome. And by the way, I have to hand it to her. She has got some kind of resilience to be able to keep from melting herself."

He just laughed as she made her way to the door. At least he hadn't lost all of his charm.

'Melt. That is a good word for what she does to me. One look, one word, one touch, definitely one kiss, that was all it takes to make me come unglued. Do I do that to her? Maybe there is something to this observation thing. So far, I have just been…well, I don't know. But, from now on I am going to pay attention to her. My full attention devoted to solving the enigma that is Sarah Mackenzie.'

He made his way home and started sorting through all of the memories he had of her, but this time they didn't plague him like before. He was slowly unraveling what made her tick and more importantly what made her melt. That marine wouldn't know what hit her!


	3. Chapter 3

Dead End?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own anything. 

Author's Note: Again, I'm trying to work some with their thought process, so anything in apostrophe is thought. Hope you like it! Send me some feedback. 

Pre-Story: So far, we have seen what the opinion of an outsider can do to the dynamic duo. Let's see what changes it invokes in them.

…………………………………… ………………………………………. ………………………………………. …………………………………

MAC

Mac came to the door of her apartment. She was absolutely exhausted from traveling and racking her brain over _that man._ The curiosity she had felt 47 hours, 32 minutes, and 27 seconds ago had now subsided to anger. She was definitely not accustomed to anything getting the best of her, and that was exactly what _he _was doing. With all of the thought she had put into it, she still couldn't figure out what their deal was. 

'Why are things so complicated? Or maybe, we are just complicating one of the simplest things in life, love. Uhhhhh…….I can't think about that, right now.'

As she was fiddling with her keys, she noticed an envelope taped to the door. She ripped it off of the door with her free hand, dropping the rest of the luggage to the floor as a result. She sighed, knowing that handwriting anywhere. 

_Mac,_

_I'm not sure when you are due back, but I want us to have dinner. __My treat__. Call me when you get this, I'll rearrange plans if I have to._

_Harm_

'How is it that he knows the exact moment to do something sweet like this? Every time I get close to washing my hands of the situation—better yet one foot out the door—he charms me senseless. Does he do it out of love or selfishness? Is he capable of either? And what plans would he have to rearrange? Is there someone he isn't telling me about? I bet I won't like her either! I never do.'

She stuffed the letter into one of her bags and proceeded to carry everything inside. When she finished putting up all of her belongings, she made her way to the couch with phone in hand. She knew the number by heart, but she couldn't seem to dial it. After much soul searching, she knew her heart was his that was undeniable. But, why did it hurt so much to love him? She punched in the first few numbers before deciding against calling him. 

'I'll make him sweat it out. If he can play games with my heart, I'll give him a taste of his own medicine. We'll see how he likes it. But what if he doesn't even notice or worse doesn't care?'

She whispered aloud, "Snap out of it, Mackenzie! He will not get the best of me!"

She spent the rest of the night battling with the sense of longing she felt to see him. She would lie down for a while, then she would get up and pace about the apartment. At 2:27 am—thanks to her uncanny ability—she gave up the fight and put in home movies of the two of them. It wouldn't be as good as the authentic, but at least she could maintain her pride this way. The first was of them at Harriet and Bud's wedding. Harm and Mac were in full force that day. She watched as they danced together, and as he escorted her down the aisle. Tears began to escape her eyes when she noticed, for the first time, how he watched her—not the happy couple—during the ceremony. As that DVD came to and end, she popped in one of her favorites. It was the video from baby AJ's first birthday. He would sashay around playing with AJ, and he would 'fly' him around until his mother would object. 

'He is so great with AJ and all of the Roberts' kids. I know he was born to do three things: fly, litigate, and be a father—something that I cannot promise him.'

The last video—one she started not to watch for fear of having an emotional breakdown—was of her engagement party. Tiner had shot the video for her and Mic, but the video had always served a greater purpose. It reminded her of the night that they had come so close to making everything right in the world. 

'If only I had not been engaged. What a mistake!' she laughed to herself. 'Why did I think that I would ever be happy with Mic. As great of a guy as he was, he was not Harm, and Mic knew that I would never be satisfied with less. I understand, now, why he left. I knew all along that I couldn't give him what he deserved, but I needed someone, anyone to be there. How sad am I? Uhhhhh……'

The video had very little of the two of them in it, but that was the point. They had spent the entire night outside, talking. She could replay, word for word, what was going on. The way he touched her, the words he came so close to saying, his kiss. 

'I'm glad he doesn't know that he makes me weak in the knees.'

Near the end of the movie—which she rarely made it to, intentionally—she drew the strength to watch the last few frames. Tiner was standing behind the group, so he caught the element that everyone missed: their hands touching ever so tenderly. 

'Oh, I wish he would have grabbed my hand, then and there. We could have run away together, eloped, or something. Damn him and his honor.'

She, enraged by his short-comings, hit the DVD player with the case. She sat there silent for a while, not knowing how she could ever love another, nor why he had always held back when it came to her.

She thought back to a place called Sydney:

"_You're just this way with me, aren't you?"_

"_Yea, Mac. Just with you."_

……….

Then it hit her like a ton of bricks, 'He may infuriate me, but those same things are what I love. I love him, his honor, his willingness for me to be happy at his expense, his devotion, his emotionally charged decisions, and even his confidence. I do love him, and I think he loves me. But, I need to know for sure before I risk my heart again. I've got to know for sure.'

As each thought bubbled up, she regained a small piece of herself that she had bottled up long ago. Just like Tali told her, 'No one ever got the fairy tale ending by playing it safe.' 

Mac settled in, letting all of her emotion take over. The rest of the night, she spent her time laughing, crying, and occasionally throwing a few more things, but she was working through her love for the one and only _Harmon Rabb, Jr. _She was taking the steps to being able to let go, but she wasn't sure if he would ever be ready for the kind of relationship that she wanted. 

'What if this power he holds over me doesn't work both ways?'

As the day broke, she finally found rest.

…………………..……………… …………………………………… …………………………………….. …………………………………..

HARM


	4. Chapter 4

Dead End?

Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own anything. 

Author's Note: I want to know how the story is going. If you don't like it, let me know. Or—better yet—if you do like it, let me know. : )

One word:_ Frustration_

Harm was at a complete loss. He had gone into this 'search for truth' with determination, but now that too was failing him. Even though he had tried his best to figure out Sarah Mackenzie, he was fighting a losing battle.

'Damn, damn, damn. I haven't even scratched the surface. All I know is that she has never reacted the same way twice. How can someone not know that you love them if you give up your career, risk your life, and stand by her without falter?'

The rain pouring outside seemed to match the predicament he had found himself in: dreary and no end in sight. He sat in the stillness of his apartment and watched the rain trickle down the window pane. His mood had diminished greatly when Bud told him the Mac had made it home on Thursday day night—two days after he left the note—but she still had not called him. It would seem that most people could easily see that they belonged together, but they never seemed be able to get it right. It was always a misunderstanding, the words left unsaid, and the moments interrupted that kept them apart. He knew they had something really special, but forever? Forever is a really long time. Harm knew that there was no one else he would or could spend it with, but it all required them to let go of their pride. They had to learn to sacrifice. He spent the night on the couch with guitar in hand. The melodies he picked out would range from songs of scorn and heartache to those of passionate and unfailing love. His confusion eventually wore him down to his bare soul. A flood of emotion came pouring out. For every beautiful piece of her complexity, he could find an equally exasperating one. But, he realized that he loved each element that made up the one and only Sarah Mackenzie. He reached for the phone and dialed the number of the one who knew him best in the world, his Grandmother.

A gentle voice answered, "Hello."

"Hey, Gran. It's me."

"Harm? Baby, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to check on you," he said in a not too convincing tone.

"Darling, I put diapers on you, so I know when you are lying to me. Is it Mac?"

He let out a feeble laugh, "Isn't it always her?"

"That's what it's like to love someone, especially when you have to live without them."

"I'm terrified that one day I will wake up, and she will be gone. That I will be walking down the street and see her with someone else. I don't think I could handle that, Gran."

"Harm, if true love were simple, then everyone would have it."

"Is that what you think she and I have," he said in a sarcastic tone.

"You need to open your eyes, my boy. You have your father and grandfather's blood running through and though. They were both wonderful men with enough pride to go around, but they eventually learned that at least one person in the world was worth losing it for."

"She once reached out to me, but…I just couldn't. Not then."

"Well, was it a mistake?"

"I don't know, Gran. Sometimes I think that it was, but at others…..I just don't know. We have grown so much since then."

"Maybe, it is your turn. She once loved you enough to let go of all her inhibitions."

"That's the thing: does she still love me?"

"Harm, I wish I could answer that question. But, I know this: I have never known a woman that captivated your every thought and emotion like this one does. She is something special. Something to hold on to."

"Yes mam, I know."

"Harm, I love you. I want you to be happy, no matter what or who you are with."

"I love you too, Gran. There are just so many unknowns."

"Well then, find the answers. Just follow you heart and be true to yourself."

As the conversation dwindled to an end, Harm knew that his grandmother was the wisest woman he would ever know. She always helped him to get through whatever he was going through. Mac was a frequent subject between the two of them, but he had yet to figure out how to approach the topic of, 'I Love You.' 

'How do you bridge the gap between two people who are so afraid of being hurt?'


	5. Chapter 5

Dead End?

Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own anything.

Author's Note: I got some inspiration from Candace Devine's song "You'll Never Break My Heart Again." Check her out she is great! I also talked about 'Fred and Ginger.' That is Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, the famous dancing partners.

…………………

It's Saturday and still raining outside. Mac, uncharacteristically, was in bed by 7:54 that night. She turned on Harm's favorite movie—Top Gun—and settled in for another long and lonely night. The very thought of tomcats and romance within the same hour infuriated her. 

'Why hasn't he called? Or come by? I should've called him as soon as I got home, damn it! It's too late now. Another opportunity lost. How does he always do this to me?'

As the credits were rolling, so were her tears. Life should be exactly like the movies that Hollywood makes: find perfect love, build a bridge over the troubled waters, and live happily ever after. 

'We have been through so much already, why should I think that it will work now?'

She was startled by a knock at the door. It was him, she just knew it. She opened the door with her eyes red from crying, his t-shirt and sweats on, and the angriest expression that she could muster. She was ready for a fight; she needed to have that kind of emotional release. With no words yet spoken, he immediately noticed that she had been crying. She stepped aside so he could come in, but she was anything but welcoming.

"Hey, Mac."

In a stiff tone, "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I just needed to talk to you. Didn't you get my note?"

"Yea, I got it."

"Oh," he reached to touch her cheek, but she quickly moved towards the kitchen. She couldn't handle his touch right now. He continued, "Are you okay?"

"No, not really."

She busied herself making coffee for the two of them.

"Mac, stop and talk to me. What's going on?" He walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. When she tensed up, he released her and moved away.

"Harm, I just….can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"Us."

"Is there an us," he said trying to lighten the mood.

He could see the hurt in her eyes. Instantly, he wanted to take his words away.

"I'm so tired of it all. We dance around issues like Fred and Ginger. I find myself wanting things that will never be possible. And, I can't take that anymore. I need some peace, calm in the storm." Her demeanor was not angry, it was weary. She was truly pleading with him.

"Mac, what do you want me to do? Leave? Will that make you happy? I've tried to understand you, but I can't. One minute, I think….I think that we may really have something, but most of the time I feel like I am running around in circles with you. I have tried for so long to get you to open up to me and to tell me where we are with 'us.' I wanted for you to……I don't know. Maybe be willing to trust me, just a little."

"I made a decision when I first met you. I told myself that no matter how handsome you were, or charming, or…….I wasn't going to let you take my heart from me. I knew you would just break it. And I was right. You want me to trust you? How can I?"

"Just like we always have. You trust me with you life, why not you love?" He paused not knowing how to go on. They were digging a deep, deep hole. He was losing his faith in whether they would be able to climb out of this one. "I want so much…with you. But, we always screw it up, somehow."

"Exactly, you walk away unscarred, and I am left picking up the pieces. That's the way it was after Sydney, Paraguay, and right now. You came here to, what? Try to fix us? You can't. We will never work. Will we? " She wouldn't look at him, but the tears forming were evident in her voice. 

The mention of the word never mad him fill with anger, but most of all regret.

"Unscarred? My entire relationship with you has left me scarred." He knew how it sounded and didn't mean it like that, but at that moment cutting her to the core didn't seem quite as bad as normal. "You can't possibly begin to understand. You are the one who has had no problems moving on. You never stop to give me a second thought, do you? You focus so much on protecting yourself that you miss out of the really great parts of life. You deserve to be happy, but…."

She interrupted him, "But, what? How can I be happy? You….." She decided to let go. This couldn't get much worse, so… "You always stand in the way! I have waited for you, Harm. I gave up a two men who truly loved me, just so I could give you another chance to stand up and…..and claim what has always been yours, my love. I always loved you, more than I should have. I wanted you to do something or say something, anything to let me know you cared or that it was worth the risk. But, you couldn't. You don't do anything until I have one foot out of the damn door. Hell, even after we almost died, you couldn't even pretend to be glad that we were given yet another chance to have…….to have a life, together."

"I know that I haven't always made the right decision. I try to do what is best for you, not me. I want you to be happy, even at my expense. Do you honestly think that I don't love you?"

Mac couldn't look up at him, but when she finally did his heart melted. The tears streaming down her face were too much for him to bear; he walked over to her and wiped the tears from her cheeks. He wanted so badly to hold her, but his fear held him back. 

"Mac, is that what you think? Because if it is, you're wrong."

Closing her eyes she said, "It just won't work."

His entire body tensed up, and he suddenly felt like the room was closing in on them. He walked away from her and towards the door. As he was reaching for the door he stopped and turned around, "I love you, Sarah. I just wish you could see that."

The door shut behind him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Dead End?**

**Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own anything. If I did, things would have been much, much different!**

**Author's Notes: Thanks for all of your reviews! Special thanks to Airplain Harm for giving me a head start with some really great suggestions. I hope that everyone likes the way things turn out. Let me know how you like it. **

**Mac**

**It had been a few hours since that door had shut, and Mac still sat there in disbelief. The moment when Harmon Rabb said, 'I Love You,' was suppose to be the happiest and most fulfilling time in her life, but only tears and regret had followed his words. The rain still poured outside, but she barely even noticed. Mac felt as if someone had driven a knife into her heart and proceeded to twist it deeper and deeper. All of the right words were finally said, but in the midst of a heated argument, they were barely noticed. Ironically, it hurt her even more to know that Harm loved her as she loved him. Now he wasn't a man that was running or that had terrible timing, she had lost the love of her life, her soul mate. They had lost each other. Mac had always believed that being **_**in love **_**took both people being fully devoted and madly **_**in love**_**, and they had finally gotten to that point. But, their pride and anger stepped in the way. She replayed his words over and over again: 'My entire relationship with you has left me scarred. ****You focus so much on protecting yourself that you miss out of the really great parts of life.' Those words stung worse than any injury she had ever received. Mac knew that she had said things out of anger, and she wanted nothing more than to take them back. It was as if the nightmare of Paraguay had returned.**

'**He didn't fight for me then, and I don't blame him for not fighting now. I know that I hurt him; it had to of hurt him to know that we love each other and then leave like that. Why didn't I fight for him? Damn it! I have been so angry about him walking away that I never thought about fighting for him. How could an apology ever be enough?'**

**She sat there on the floor next to the window hoping that the pain would eventually subside, but it didn't. Even as the sun made its first appearance at dawn, she still sat there not knowing how to approach this new life that she was dealt. **

**How do you overcome extreme misfortune? **

**You act.**

**Mac, weak from sleep deprivation and emotional exhaustion, used the wall to support herself while she got up from her place of mourning. She had decided:**

'**This is my fault and my mess. I am going to clean it up.'**

**She walked to the phone and called General Creswell.**

"**Hello."**

"**General, this is Colonel Mackenzie. Did I wake you?"………………………………………**

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Harm**

**He stood outside Mac's apartment leaning against his car in the rain for hours after their ill-fated encounter. The anger still boiled off of him like a volcano's eruption. Harm knew that it was over. He could not listen to her words like, 'never' anymore. It was finished. His heart raced, and he wondered why he had told her that he loved her even after everything that had happened. Why did she deserve to know the extent of her wrath? As the time passed, his anger turned to regret and longing. He wanted so badly to go back in time and take back everything, but he just got in his car and drove. He didn't know where he was going or what else to do. Harm was at a crossroads in his life—once again—and he had to make a decision. He did know that something had to change in his life.**

'**I will never, not love her. How could I? I will just have to learn to live without her.'**

**As he was driving along, it occurred to him that as new as this entire fiasco felt, he had been in this exact predicament before. The outcome of the last escapade had not ended in a manner to his liking, so…….**

'**Let's change fate.'**

**He turned the car around—now with an intended destination in mind—but he wasn't heading towards D.C.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Dead End?**

**Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own anything. If I did, things would have been much, much different!**

**Author's Notes: Thanks for all of your reviews! Special thanks to Airplain Harm for giving me a head start with some really great suggestions. I hope that everyone likes the way things turn out. Let me know how you like it.**

**Mac had long returned from her meeting with the General, and much to her satisfaction, everything went as smoothly as it **_**possibly**_** could have. She was cuddled up on the couch with Harm's t-shirt and sweats on again. As odd as it seemed, she needed to feel close to him even now when it appeared that she had lost him forever.**

'**How could I have been so stupid? I was so afraid of getting hurt that I let the only man I have ever loved slip through my fingers. He was right; I always try to protect myself. I never think about him until it is too late.'**

**Was it too late? She didn't know. What's done is done. She could only try to mend the damage that had been done.**

**She picked up the phone and dialed his number.**

"**It's Harm. You know what to do at the beep."**

**His machine.**

**The simple sound of his voice had sent her into tears.  
Her voice reflected her tears in every word, "Harm? I don't blame you for not answering. I just….I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I wish that I could take it all back, but……but I can't, Harm. I'm so, so sorry. Please call me back……I love you."**

**She knew that he was just as torn about the situation as she was. Mac wanted to give him the space he needed, but as much as she thought she needed to be away from him, she needed to be just that much closer to him now. She had never been surer of that than now.**

**Around seven that night she fell asleep and found herself dreaming of him. His dark hair waved in the ocean breeze, those blue eyes entranced her, and his arms encompassed her. He made her feel safe, a feeling that she was not accustom to. Even as she dreamed, her body relaxed at the thought of him wrapping his arms around her. Oh, how she needed him. Ring…ring……ring…the phone startled her. She jumped from the couch and ran to her phone. It was him.**

"**Harm?"**

"**Hey, Mac."**

"**Harm…I'm sorry. I've never been sorrier. I just…."**

**He interrupted her, "Mac, will you come downstairs?"**

**She ran to the window and saw him sitting outside. Mac still couldn't read his tone.**

"**Yea I will be right there. Harm?"**

"**Yea?"**

"**I do love you."**

**She hung up before he could disappoint her. Mac ran down stairs and rushed through the door. There he was. She could tell that he had not gotten much sleep, and he had an exhausted expression on his face, more emotional than physical. His eyes lacked their normal luster. She slowly made her way to him—who was leaned against his car.**

**He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off.**

"**Harm, I don't know what to say. I don't know how to make you see how sorry I am. I never should have said any of those things. I wouldn't blame you if you hate me…"**

"**I don't hate you. Will you go somewhere with me?"**

"**What?"**

"**Get in the car, Mac."**

"**Where are we going? We need to talk about all of this."**

"**Please, come with me," he pleaded.**

"**Harm, look at me; I'm a mess. I can't go anywhere without cleaning up. We really should just talk first."**

"**Mac, do you trust me?"**

**She sighed and let him open the door to his SUV. Mac wasn't going to let him get off this easy. They would have that conversation, eventually. They rode in silence. She couldn't interpret him like normally. He was so solemn, but he didn't seem angry. Maybe there was hope. He pulled up to a Mediterranean style building in the middle of a neighborhood that she had never been in. He walked around and opened her door, and then he led her to the building. It was late, so there was no one in the building and the door was locked.**

"**Harm, there is no one here."**

**He held up a finger to silence her and took out a set of keys that she didn't recognize. He unlocked the door and tugged on her hand until she followed him through the building. They came to a set of **

**French doors that led outside to the darkened courtyard. He stopped and opened the door for her to go out into backyard. She couldn't see anything, but she was doing her best to trust him. He guided her by the small of her back into the center of the yard.**

**Stopping her he said, "Mac wait here for just a second."**

**His touch lingered on her skin. She wanted him, needed him to forgive her. Living without that man was not an option. The sound of a surge of electricity frightened her, but she didn't dare move from that spot. As he came back to her, the lamp posts all around them were beginning to slowly lighten the night.**

"**Harm, what are you doing?"**

**He opened his hand and revealed a beautiful diamond ring.**

"**I'm fighting for you."**

**As the lights came into full glow, the roses that surrounded them were revealed. Mac melted into a puddle of tears, but this time the tears were different.**

"**Harm….."**

**He stopped her, "Mac, I would say that my life wouldn't be the same without you, but that's not true. My life is you. If you left it, there would be nothing. I made the mistake of letting you walk away without a fight once, but I can't do that again. We may fight and argue, but I would rather fight and argue with you than be with anyone else. Some people are worth forfeiting your pride or anything else standing in the way over. I want you to know that I love you more than anything. I need you in my life. Sarah, you are my best friend and the only woman I ever have or will love. I know that we can be happy. Just give me that chance. I want to wake up with you every, single morning and go to bed with you at night. I want to make love to you on rainy afternoons and to hold you in my arms when life gets tough for us. I want to raise a family with you and grow old with you. I just…I want to love you. Will you let me do that? Will you marry me?"**

**Just like that, all of the anger and regret had fallen away. They both put aside their pride and decided to believe in their love. She was speechless; he had taken her breath away. The words were swimming around in her head, but nothing was coming out. The tears cascaded down her face as he wiped them away. The touch of his fingers against her face snapped her back to reality.**

"**Mac, I know this might be too fast, but…"**

**She quickly stopped him from going any further, "Harm, I love you so much," she paused and took a deep breath, "Yes, yes, yes."**

**He picked her up and spun her around amidst the roses.**

"**Mac, I love you."**

"**I love you, too." She leaned into his touch.**

**That was the moment. Their moment. He took her in his arms and lowered his lips to hers. The gentleness of his touch made her surrender. She wrapped her arms around him and stood on her tip toes to deep the kiss. His hands cupped her face, and he snuggled his body as close to hers as possible. They were lost in the moment. All of the love over the course of nine years came pouring out. She could feel his love for her radiating through his every touch and kiss. Desperate for air, they reluctantly broke apart. He slipped the ring on her finger.**

"**It is so beautiful, where did you….." she trailed off.**

"**It was Gram's. She told me that when I found the love of my life, I could propose with the same ring that my grandfather did."**

"**That's where you were." She said as she made that realization.**

**He nodded.**

"**Thank you for forgiving me, and for loving me unconditionally."**

"**We have both made mistakes. As for loving you unconditionally, that seems to come naturally. "**

"**And for the roses."**

"**It is where it all began, in a rose garden—just not the same one."**

"**I just wish I would have been dressed differently," she laughed.**

"**You are beautiful," he reassured her.**

**He smiled at her, and she nearly went weak in the knees. She reached for him and placed a lingering, hungry kiss on his lips.**

"**Let's go home, Mac."**

**They walked hand in hand back to the car. As they pulled up in front of her building, she looked over at him and took his hand.**

"**Flyboy, our lives are changed forever."**

"**We needed a change."**

"**No, we needed each other."**

**Without another word being spoken, he leaned in and kissed her. They walked up to her apartment and barely were able to get the door open before the urge to touch each other became too much for them to handle. He picked her up just as she wrapped her legs around his waist. They were starving for each other like neither one of them would have previously admitted. He carried her to the **

**doorway of her bedroom where he sat her down. She knew that he was asking permission, and she was more than willing to accept. She took his hand and led him to the bed. He tenderly lay her back and once again kissed her breathless. He could feel her wrestling for control and trying to rush what he wanted to be special for her, so he stopped and smiled at her. She knew exactly what he was doing, and she was a bit embarrassed.**

"**Sarah," the sound of her name rolled off of his tongue and teased her senselessly, "Let me make love to you."**

**She gave an encouraging smile that melted his heart. He lowered his lips to hers and kissed her like his life depended on it. She let go of the control and let him take over. Slowly, he trailed his fingers down her body, unbuttoning one by one the barriers between him and her………….**

**Author's Note: I got a bit of inspiration for one line from the movie 'Wedding Date.'**


End file.
